Update

I am still not doing fabulous but I suppose I am getting along just fine.

Neurosurgeon doesn't believe that there is anything surgical. I am going back to follow up on tuesday to make sure that the results of the CT/Xray were ok. I am still on light duty until then. Hoping to get some steroid injections into the joint that he believes is severely inflamed. (My sacroiliac for those with some anatomical knowledge)

I have good days and bad. Last night was a decent day until I went to the movies to watch Transformers 2 and then by the end of the show I was dying. Ended up in tears at my friends house and he was totally flabbergasted at how to react to that. But he was sweet and did help by showing me he cared. I ended up not being able to sleep and driving home at 2:30 bc I didn't want to keep him up all night with my incessant tossing and turning and tears.

Life as I know it...

I went to the doctor that I have been seeing for my work injury on my back. It didn't go so well.

I have an inflamed nerve root at s1. What does that mean for me? I don't know. I am now referred to a neurosurgeon and on light duty again, but only until Monday. I get to return to full duty on Monday. I'm still having an exceptional amount of pain. It's debilitating. I am still waking up every single day in pretty severe pain, and I am unable to do many of the normal things I'd like to do in my life because of it. I can't walk far so I am not able to go to the mall, take my son for a walk to the park, etc. I can't workout. I can't spend alot of time sitting with Ethan while he plays outside.. It's depressing. I don't know how much longer I can live like this.

I am currently sitting in a patients room watching them lay there. That's pretty much my job for the day. The pt. is being ruled out for the fun fun flu (yes that one) So I am sitting here in a yellow gown, gloves, TB mask, and goggles. It's oh so hot. You know the thought of it makes you all hot...

I have NO idea how i'm gonna stay entertained until 3 :/ This is going to kill me. The chair is very uncomfortable. My poor back :(

Florida.. Here we come~!

You floridians have no idea what you're in store for.

Oh yes... You.. You in your souped up golfcart with shiney rims that you're driving down to the local pharmacy to pick up your blood pressure meds.. AND YES YOU.. crazy pain in the ass party kids who are there to get crunk and think they can pick up a one night stand....

You are in for an interesting weekend. See... Jenn and Jen are hitting the beach. Wear your BlueBlockers baby cause a pale ass redhead is going to pretend that the sun doesn't hate her like a fatman hates diet soda. I get to enjoy being a scathing bitch to random freaky dudes who try to pick me up... WHY? Because I'm on vacay and BY-GOSH I'm allowed to enjoy myself.. even if it's through other peoples misery.

Flight leaves at 7:20AM on saturday.. so we get to enjoy most of saturday, all of sunday and monday in St. Petersburg. We leave out Tuesday after lunchtime and get home around 5:45. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited.

I haven't had a true vacation since my baby sis and I went to vegas 3 years ago. I'm really looking forward to this. I can't thank Jenn enough for taking me with her and for paying my way. I'm still absolutely floored that she did that. I love having really great friends. She's one in a million. I can't imagine ANYONE else wanting to spend time with their friend so much that they'd put out that kind of money for a last second, spur of the moment, totally spontaneous vacation. If you don't know it already.. I love ya girlie. I really can't tell you how much I value your friendship.

Tomorrow I get to go to the Ortho doc about my back (the guy the hospital sends me to since the the workmans comp accident) and then 12:00 waxing (hey a girl needs to be bathing suit ready) and then off to find a swimsuit and maybe a pair of shorts or a mini. Hoping to drag Terra from work along with me for the shopping. She seemed like she wanted to go too.

Alright.. Enough of this. Night!

~J

Awake at 1:45 am.. YAY.

I have to work in the morning. I have to be UP at 0530 minimum. So why.. OH WHY am I awake at 1:45? It's all thanks to the combo of pain meds for my back pain and sleep. Apparently the two together lead to crazy wild dreams.

Anyway..

Went on a date with the Ex-bf last week.. was pretty awkward but nice... which lead to him coming over to hang out Sunday night for coffee at my house and a nice drive in my new car (he hadn't driven in the new Passats and wanted to take it out.) Anyway long and short at the end of the night he kissed me and everything seemed reaaaally nice.

I am still talking to and very much like the other man I've been seeing and I wanted to be honest with the ex and ask him where we were at right now. I told him I needed to know if he was ok with or wanted me seeing other people. (It's only fair.. had he said no I would have stopped. I did pursue him, after all, and he deserves for me to give him his full attention if that's what he desires) The answer kinda shocked me.

First.. no.. We are just "casually" dating and I am free to continue dating other said boy.
Second... "It's ok because I'm really not feeling a spark here like I did before..."

Wait, wait.. back up. What?! Seriously. He met me for coffee last sunday. Immmmmmmmediately asked me out to dinner which happened thursday. Then sunday asked me out again only this time offered to just "come hang out over there." We watched a movie and he was all kinda snuggly with me at that time and then at the end of the night when he hugged me he got this HUGE grin on his face and asked me "does this count as a second date?" and before I could even answer him he laid this "first kiss" style smoochin on me. Honestly it took my breath away for a second.. I was surprised by him. And now.....? Not really feelin' it? REALLY? Wow.

I guess I'm actually not too terribly dissapointed. I knew it was a probability.. I had hurt him pretty badly back in November.. but I honestly didn't expect it after this last week.

I do really like this other man alot. He's got something about him.. I can't get enough of him. He's mysterious and fascinating and a lot of fun. I would love to know more about him and why he's so "anti-relationship." He seems to have some commitment issues from something or somethings that has happened to him in the not-so-distant past that have carried over into his feelings on commitments (not that I am asking for one by any means) and his relationships now. I absolutely adore him though.. Just can't get enough. I'm perfectly happy with the way things are now... just would be wonderful to get to know more about him.

On ANOTHER note....


I'M GOING TO FLORIDA!!!!!!!!

So Jenn and I planned as last minute as HELL trip to Ft. Lauderdale, FL. We are staying at a resort on the beach and flying in Saturday morning, coming home Tuesday afternoon. I'm so freaking stoked. She's paying for flight and hotel because she was planning on going anyway and I really didn't have the money to go.. and by bringing me with her she gets to go on her cancelled vacay after all. How exciting is that?? I love that girl. We are going to have so much fun!!!

In other news we also tossed around the idea of us getting a 3-4 br house to rent together when both our leases are up coming next November (six months!!) It would be fantastic to have someone to share household bills with and Jenn is by far the most responsible person I know.. Way more than me even and I have yet to ever find anyone I trusted enough to be a roomate with my son. She loves kids and is already talking about how she can take him to school if I'm at work on her off days, etc etc. I love that girl.. we will make awesome roomates if this pans out. I sincerely hope it does... It well help me out tremendously.

In other news.. I got my acceptance letter to chamberlain college for the summer semester starting in June. I keep missing my guidance counselors calls though to find the next step. I know I need to fill out FAFSA I just haven't had time unfortunately. Hopefully I will know more friday when we get in touch with eachother.

OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH and ONE MORE THING!!!

My sister and her hubby found out today they are having a girl!!!! YAY!!!! A girl in the family :) Ethan is soooooooooo excited and he keeps calling her La-Loo (Her name is Leilani Marie) HAHA.. it's so damn cute. I can't wait till he (and all of us) get to meet her in october. She's due right around E's birthday. How awesome would that be???


Ok.. Bedtime for jen.

Men are nothing but trouble.

I don't understand men.

The one I was chasing after for months who in my opinion had made it quite clear the last few weeks that he wanted nothing to do romantically with me has come back around.. Just as I was talking to and hanging out with someone else who I really think I could like a lot.

THEN.. said other boy gets all distant and I find out theres someone else who he's all upset over but won't talk to me about the details. I'm ok with that, I understand that it was just hanging out and nothing serious.. But I really got the feeling that he liked me a lot. I was kinda stunned by the fact that I apparently misread him completely.

I apparently suck at men in general and need to just go back to the previous six months' attitude of "I don't need them"

~j

So tired of the pain...

Seriously I'm so sick of pain that I don't know what to do. I can completely see how people get so depressed they want to hurt themselves from chronic pain problems. It's been over a year and a half now. I'm so frustrated because I will go a few weeks feeling really awesome and then BLAM it kicks me back down.

I've had the best last few weeks.. I've been doing great at work, rarely any PAIN... just discomfort. I came home yesterday feeling pretty uncomfortable and ended up taking some pills before bed. Today I was back to my usual pain-free self until about 4pm. By 6 I was in tears.. completely bitchy and unable to handle any kind of stress. So frustrated...

So frustrated and confused in so many aspects of my life right now... Bur I am happy overall.. I guess that's all you can ask for!

~j

Blah blah blah...

I have had an interesting few days...

So theres this boy. Yeah that's all you get.

Also Got to see Melissa this weekend for the first time since I went to her new house in NC back in June. Only got to spend 2.5 hrs with her before the sun thoroughly baked me. I'm a crispy fried redhead.. and now it's itchy.

Mothers day dinner at my house was good but I still have a mass of dishes to do. I've been lazy.

Ethan got me a sweet card that sings and he practiced it and walked around singing the chorus from Tim McGraws "Beautiful Wings" all night. It was sooooo cute.

I will avoid ranting about my shitty shitty day at work today.. but I do think stupid people should be lined up and put out of their misery firing squad style.

Ok done.

~j